On the occasion of the release of our Libertine oil and our series of Instagram lives “Pleasure for All”, we went to meet Juste Quentin, creator of the @deconstructionsmasculines Instagram account to address the subjects of masculinity and the place of men in our society.
Hello Quentin, can you tell us how you got the idea to create your Instagram account @desconstructionsmasculines?
After the creation of the metoo movement, I started to tell myself that I had to act at my level. Hypersensitive, raised by a woman, I have also met many women around me who are victims of violence. It developed a certain empathy in me, as did a certain reflection on the actions that I could take myself towards women.
So for 3 years I have chosen to radically deconstruct myself, and share my journey on Instagram to reach young audiences, because they are the ones who will shape the generation of tomorrow.
How to engage in a process of deconstruction when you are a man?
In our society we are conditioned with many stereotypes, clichés and social constructions which ask to question everything, to undo all these limiting beliefs. It is first necessary that the desire comes from oneself to succeed in launching. This involves reading books, podcasts, but also experiences in interpersonal relationships, professional and personal life.
We must also stop putting on our human shield, swallow our pride, remain humble and often question oneself to be able to move forward and educate the other men around us with pedagogy and benevolence.
What are the great male deconstructions to work on today for you?
There are a lot of subjects to tackle: sexuality, contraception, parenthood… We draw a lot of inspiration from feminism and sociological trends to try to popularize things, so that it is understandable by everyone. I also give people the possibility to take control of my Instagram account for 24 hours in order to let them speak and express their emotions, which is more impactful and more emotional than scientific works which often require having notions of philosophy or sociology!
The theme of the Mental Health is one of the most important topics when talking about male deconstruction. We teach men not to talk about their emotions and their feelings that are then perpetuated in adulthood. This leads to problems of depression, addictive behavior (alcohol, drugs, games, etc.).
Mental health is essential in the sense that it affects all other matters. If we want more equality between men and women, we must also accept that men reveal their emotions more and their vulnerability to avoid a dichotomy.
Sexuality and prostatic pleasure
When we talk about male deconstruction, we cannot broach the subject without going through the subject of sexuality. We must try to break away from the belief that penetration represents the holy grail of male virility, and that it must be an obligation.
Consider other practices such as anal pleasure or prostatic pleasure, by breaking away from fears, taboos and received ideas related to homophobia for example. Prostate pleasure is obtained by stimulating or massaging the internal area between the anus and the testicle and can be more enjoyable than penetration.
The ideal is to start experimenting this practice on your own, before being able to communicate your desires to your partner. Tenderness, communication, feeling of security and confidence are essential elements to approach it with his or her partner.
Sex load and pornography
In terms of deconstruction, the sex load is also interesting to work on. We must stop giving the power to men to decide, to put pressure on partners.
We all have a sexuality that is unique to us and that belongs to us, with a libido that does not always correspond with that of our partner. The masturbation is an essential subject in this perspective: we must get out of the clichés and preconceived ideas that masturbation is dirty, wherever we must stop practicing it when we are in a relationship. Together, we must communicate with kindness, without judging our needs and without guilt.
Pornography questions a lot about the concept of consent. Little boys grow up with a mistaken view of sexuality, and then repeat it in their lives, which is very problematic. Fortunately, many alternatives to mainstream porn are emerging, such as Erika Lust for example, to bring more diversity, benevolence and imagination in sexuality and eroticization.
Parenthood and contraception at the heart of male deconstruction
Regarding the parenthood and contraception, these two notions are also at the heart of masculine deconstructions to work on. The way of educating children today represents what we will produce as a society of tomorrow. This also questions the concept of couple's mental load, especially in women.
Every man who wants to be a parent tomorrow should deconstruct himself personally, and eliminate limiting beliefs and gender stereotypes for example (games, sports or creative activities). Both men and women also have to fight to obtain social progress and to get out of patriarchal society, for example with regard to parental leave.
What are the options for male contraception?
To date there are 4 methods considered effective using the Pearl Index: condom, vasectomy, hormonal method and thermal method.
The latter consists in raising the testicles by means of a brief or a ring, easy to put on, painless and without side effects, to wear 15h per 24 hour period. The method produces a heating effect on the testes, the effectiveness of which is measured using a spermogram.
If we still talk about it so little today, it is because men are still mostly resistant to it: it affects virility, empowerment, and undermines the notions of loss of privilege and comfort.